Draft Preview: Bizarro Baseball draft
CBS SportsLine.com gives you the anti-Fantasy league -- Bizarro Baseball -- as 10 of their staff members participated in a 15-round draft in a league that rewards futility. What do you get out of this? Well, if these players are good for us, it's because they're expected to be bad for you. At-bats are rewarded, while hits and homers are penalized -- unless of course you're one of the dead meat members of the pitching staff.
Bizarro was first introduced to us in comic books in 1958 as the exact opposite of everyone's hero, Superman -- and then later in Seinfeld. He was the evil mirror image to Superman's good side. Everything from his grammar to his disposition, Bizarro was nothing like his counterpart.
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And so, with his spirit in mind, we bring you the First Annual Bizarro League of Experts -- or ELBAF (FABLE backwards?) if you will. This draft is a "who's who" of "who cares?"
Some of the worst baseball regulars were dispersed in this opposite-minded draft.
We assembled 10 of the best (worst?) experts at CBS SportsLine.com headquarters and we hammered out 15 rounds of drafting. The scoring system rewards those players that get regular playing time -- and regularly disappoint at the plate or on the mound. Defensive specialists were drafted by the handful.
We want hitters that strike out plenty with few extra bases, but an abundance of at-bats. We want pitchers that walk batter after batter, yet stay in for inning after inning. Double-digit losses? Can't hit a curveball?
Me like bad hitters -- homers bad.
Since playing time is integral in a Bizarro league -- they have to play (poorly) to score -- you'll notice there are plenty of players that are selected in both Bizarro and standard Fantasy formats. We used a ranked, points-based scoring system. One C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B and a DH were needed along with three OFs, four SPs and two RPs for a full roster.
| Batting Scoring | |
| 1B - Singles | -6 points |
| 2B - Doubles | -10 points |
| 3B - Triples | -14 points |
| AB - At Bats | 4 points |
| BB - Walks (Batters) | -4 points |
| CS - Caught Stealing | 4 points |
| HR - Home Runs | -20 points |
| KO - Strikeouts (Batter) | 3 points |
| R - Runs | -4 points |
| RBI - Runs Batted In | -4 points |
| SB - Stolen Bases | -8 points |
| Pitching Scoring | |
| APP - Appearances | 3 points |
| BBI - Walks Issued (Pitchers) | 5 points |
| BS - Blown Saves | 15 points |
| HA - Hits Allowed | 2 points |
| HRA - Home Runs Allowed | 10 points |
| INN - Innings | 2 points |
| K - Strikeouts (Pitcher) | -15 points |
| L - Losses | 15 points |
| QS - Quality Starts | -5 points |
| RA - Runs Allowed | 5 points |
| S - Saves | -15 points |
| W - Wins | -25 points |
After putting 10 hats into a piece of paper, we drew the lottery order. Staff editor David Salinas won (lost) the lottery. "Awww crap. I got the first pick!"
In true Bizarro fashion, Emack was told he was darned good lookin' and we all thought Brian Flood's voice was soothing and comforting. Somebody called Gonos Mr. Skinny and then the draft was under way.
It's not surprising to see one of the worst hitters from last season got snatched up with the first (last?) pick. Corey Patterson, he of the .602 OPS and .215 BA with the Cubs for a partial season, will forever be known as Mr. (Mrs.?) Bizarro in our minds as the first overall selection. Patterson is still young enough to have Fantasy potential in mixed leagues and his arrival in Baltimore might reawaken his talents. But for now, he's deemed King Krud.
Joe Mays was the first pitcher selected. Obviously, this is a huge gamble, as was Mark Hendrickson at No. 7, because Mays will have to win the fifth starter's job for K.C. in order to pay huge dividends by stinking up the place. You'll notice three of the Royals' starting pitching staff landed in the top 17 picks and five Royals starters were selected in the entire draft. They are apparently the Bizarro answer to the White Sox rotation.
This is how that whole draft shook out. We hope you hated our little exercise in madness. Hello.
| 2006 CBS SportsLine.com Bizarro Draft Results | ||||
| Round 1 | ||||
| 1 | David Salinas | Corey Patterson (OF BAL) | ||
| 2 | Daniel E. Dobish | Joe Mays (SP KC) | ||
| 3 | Eric Mack | Darin Erstad (1B ANA) | ||
| 4 | Dave Richard | Aaron Cook (SP COL) | ||
| 5 | Sergio Gonzalez | Cristian Guzman (SS WAS) | ||
| 6 | Tony Fernandez | Reed Johnson (OF TOR) | ||
| 7 | David Gonos | Mark Hendrickson (SP TB) | ||
| 8 | J. Darin Darst | Jason Kendall (C OAK) | ||
| 9 | Brian Flood | Mark Redman (SP KC) | ||
| 10 | Dwyne Philippin | Jack Wilson (SS PIT) | ||
| Round 2 | ||||
| 11 | Dwyne Philippin | David Bell (3B PHI) | ||
| 12 | Brian Flood | Angel M. Berroa (SS KC) | ||
| 13 | J. Darin Darst | Josh Fogg (SP COL) | ||
| 14 | David Gonos | Yuniesky Betancourt (SS SEA) | ||
| 15 | Tony Fernandez | Mark Grudzielanek (2B KC) | ||
| 16 | Sergio Gonzalez | Eric Reed (OF FLA) | ||
| 17 | Dave Richard | Scott Elarton (SP KC) | ||
| 18 | Eric Mack | Tony Batista (3B MIN) | ||
| 19 | Daniel E. Dobish | Sidney Ponson (SP STL) | ||
| 20 | David Salinas | Doug Waechter (SP TB) | ||
| Round 3 | ||||
| 21 | David Salinas | Mike Esposito (SP COL) | ||
| 22 | Daniel E. Dobish | Runelvys Hernandez (SP KC) | ||
| 23 | Eric Mack | Brad Ausmus (C HOU) | ||
| 24 | Dave Richard | Kaz Matsui (2B NYM) | ||
| 25 | Sergio Gonzalez | Nick Green (2B TB) | ||
| 26 | Tony Fernandez | Shannon Stewart (OF MIN) | ||
| 27 | David Gonos | Mike Matheny (C SF) | ||
| 28 | J. Darin Darst | Zach Day (SP COL) | ||
| 29 | Brian Flood | Jose Lopez (2B SEA) | ||
| 30 | Dwyne Philippin | Russ Ortiz (SP ARI) | ||
| Round 4 | ||||
| 31 | Dwyne Philippin | Pokey Reese (2B FLA) | ||
| 32 | Brian Flood | Eric Milton (SP CIN) | ||
| 33 | J. Darin Darst | Alex Cintron (SS ARI) | ||
| 34 | David Gonos | Mark Teahen (3B KC) | ||
| 35 | Tony Fernandez | Eric DuBose (SP BAL) | ||
| 36 | Sergio Gonzalez | Doug Mientkiewicz (1B KC) | ||
| 37 | Dave Richard | Joe Borowski (RP FLA) | ||
| 38 | Eric Mack | Ryan Franklin (SP PHI) | ||
| 39 | Daniel E. Dobish | Steve Finley (OF SF) | ||
| 40 | David Salinas | Toby Hall (C TB) | ||
| Round 5 | ||||
| 41 | David Salinas | Scott Hatteberg (1B CIN) | ||
| 42 | Daniel E. Dobish | Humberto Cota (C PIT) | ||
| 43 | Eric Mack | Paul Wilson (SP CIN) | ||
| 44 | Dave Richard | Tomo Ohka (SP MIL) | ||
| 45 | Sergio Gonzalez | Tony Graffanino (2B BOS) | ||
| 46 | Tony Fernandez | Sun-Woo Kim (SP COL) | ||
| 47 | David Gonos | Luis Castillo (2B MIN) | ||
| 48 | J. Darin Darst | Freddy Sanchez (3B PIT) | ||
| 49 | Brian Flood | Scott Podsednik (OF CHW) | ||
| 50 | Dwyne Philippin | Felix Heredia (RP ARI) | ||
| Round 6 | ||||
| 51 | Dwyne Philippin | Ty Wigginton (3B TB) | ||
| 52 | Brian Flood | Aaron Boone (3B CLE) | ||
| 53 | J. Darin Darst | Dan Uggla (2B FLA) | ||
| 54 | David Gonos | Jason M. Johnson (SP CLE) | ||
| 55 | Tony Fernandez | Eric Hinske (1B TOR) | ||
| 56 | Sergio Gonzalez | Miguel Olivo (C FLA) | ||
| 57 | Dave Richard | Cory Sullivan (OF COL) | ||
| 58 | Eric Mack | Sean Burroughs (3B TB) | ||
| 59 | Daniel E. Dobish | Alex S. Gonzalez (SS PHI) | ||
| 60 | David Salinas | Tomas Perez (1B PHI) | ||
| Round 7 | ||||
| 61 | David Salinas | Juan Castro (SS MIN) | ||
| 62 | Daniel E. Dobish | John Buck (C KC) | ||
| 63 | Eric Mack | David Eckstein (SS STL) | ||
| 64 | Dave Richard | Josh Willingham (C FLA) | ||
| 65 | Sergio Gonzalez | Danny Graves (RP CLE) | ||
| 66 | Tony Fernandez | Mike Wood (RP KC) | ||
| 67 | David Gonos | Emil Brown (OF KC) | ||
| 68 | J. Darin Darst | Jose Hernandez (3B PIT) | ||
| 69 | Brian Flood | Sammy Sosa (OF BAL) | ||
| 70 | Dwyne Philippin | Jason L. Phillips (C TOR) | ||
| Round 8 | ||||
| 71 | Dwyne Philippin | Chris Aguila (OF FLA) | ||
| 72 | Brian Flood | Jeff Francis (SP COL) | ||
| 73 | J. Darin Darst | Rocco Baldelli (OF TB) | ||
| 74 | David Gonos | Kyle Lohse (SP MIN) | ||
| 75 | Tony Fernandez | Adam Everett (SS HOU) | ||
| 76 | Sergio Gonzalez | Corey Koskie (3B MIL) | ||
| 77 | Dave Richard | Jeromy Burnitz (OF PIT) | ||
| 78 | Eric Mack | Mike Maroth (SP DET) | ||
| 79 | Daniel E. Dobish | Rob Mackowiak (3B CHW) | ||
| 80 | David Salinas | Neifi Perez (SS CHC) | ||
| Round 9 | ||||
| 81 | David Salinas | Julio Lugo (SS TB) | ||
| 82 | Daniel E. Dobish | Michael Cuddyer (3B MIN) | ||
| 83 | Eric Mack | Ray King (RP COL) | ||
| 84 | Dave Richard | Brandon Inge (3B DET) | ||
| 85 | Sergio Gonzalez | Tony Womack (2B CIN) | ||
| 86 | Tony Fernandez | Willy Taveras (OF HOU) | ||
| 87 | David Gonos | Dmitri Young (1B DET) | ||
| 88 | J. Darin Darst | Luis Terrero (OF ARI) | ||
| 89 | Brian Flood | Travis Lee (1B TB) | ||
| 90 | Dwyne Philippin | Jose Mesa (RP COL) | ||
| Round 10 | ||||
| 91 | Dwyne Philippin | Brad Hennessey (SP SF) | ||
| 92 | Brian Flood | Jeremy Affeldt (RP KC) | ||
| 93 | J. Darin Darst | Jason Christiansen (RP ANA) | ||
| 94 | David Gonos | Jeremy Reed (OF SEA) | ||
| 95 | Tony Fernandez | Jamey Wright (SP SF) | ||
| 96 | Sergio Gonzalez | Jimmy Gobble (RP KC) | ||
| 97 | Dave Richard | Kevin Millar (1B BAL) | ||
| 98 | Eric Mack | Jose Cruz (OF LA) | ||
| 99 | Daniel E. Dobish | Kirk Saarloos (SP OAK) | ||
| 100 | David Salinas | Chris Burke (OF HOU) | ||
| Round 11 | ||||
| 101 | David Salinas | Alex Rios (OF TOR) | ||
| 102 | Daniel E. Dobish | Casey Blake (OF CLE) | ||
| 103 | Eric Mack | Kenny Lofton (OF LA) | ||
| 104 | Dave Richard | Jeff Conine (OF BAL) | ||
| 105 | Sergio Gonzalez | Jason Grimsley (RP ARI) | ||
| 106 | Tony Fernandez | Jacque Jones (OF CHC) | ||
| 107 | David Gonos | Phil Nevin (1B TEX) | ||
| 108 | J. Darin Darst | Mike Lamb (1B HOU) | ||
| 109 | Brian Flood | Nook Logan (OF DET) | ||
| 110 | Dwyne Philippin | Julio Franco (1B NYM) | ||
| Round 12 | ||||
| 111 | Dwyne Philippin | Lew Ford (OF MIN) | ||
| 112 | Brian Flood | Kenji Johjima (C SEA) | ||
| 113 | J. Darin Darst | John Mabry (OF CHC) | ||
| 114 | David Gonos | Sergio Mitre (SP FLA) | ||
| 115 | Tony Fernandez | Ivan Rodriguez (C DET) | ||
| 116 | Sergio Gonzalez | Craig A. Wilson (OF PIT) | ||
| 117 | Dave Richard | Omar Vizquel (SS SF) | ||
| 118 | Eric Mack | Junior Spivey (2B STL) | ||
| 119 | Daniel E. Dobish | Seth McClung (RP TB) | ||
| 120 | David Salinas | Kirk Rueter (SP SF) | ||
| Round 13 | ||||
| 121 | David Salinas | Curtis Granderson (OF DET) | ||
| 122 | Daniel E. Dobish | Byung-Hyun Kim (SP COL) | ||
| 123 | Eric Mack | Eric Byrnes (OF ARI) | ||
| 124 | Dave Richard | Kip Wells (SP PIT) | ||
| 125 | Sergio Gonzalez | Jose Lima (SP NYM) | ||
| 126 | Tony Fernandez | Dan Kolb (RP MIL) | ||
| 127 | David Gonos | Luis Matos (OF BAL) | ||
| 128 | J. Darin Darst | Shawn Estes (SP SD) | ||
| 129 | Brian Flood | Jason Bartlett (SS MIN) | ||
| 130 | Dwyne Philippin | Mark Kotsay (OF OAK) | ||
| Round 14 | ||||
| 131 | Dwyne Philippin | Jaret Wright (SP NYY) | ||
| 132 | Brian Flood | Keith Foulke (RP BOS) | ||
| 133 | J. Darin Darst | Ryan Drese (SP WAS) | ||
| 134 | David Gonos | Ryan Vogelsong (RP PIT) | ||
| 135 | Tony Fernandez | Ismael Valdez (SP FLA) | ||
| 136 | Sergio Gonzalez | Mike Cameron (OF SD) | ||
| 137 | Dave Richard | David Weathers (RP CIN) | ||
| 138 | Eric Mack | Brian Moehler (SP FLA) | ||
| 139 | Daniel E. Dobish | Zack Greinke (SP KC) | ||
| 140 | David Salinas | Ricardo Rodriguez (SP PHI) | ||
| Round 15 | ||||
| 141 | David Salinas | Dewon Brazelton (SP SD) | ||
| 142 | Daniel E. Dobish | Carl Everett (OF SEA) | ||
| 143 | Eric Mack | Ricky Stone (RP CIN) | ||
| 144 | Dave Richard | Nomar Garciaparra (SS LA) | ||
| 145 | Sergio Gonzalez | Dave Bush (SP MIL) | ||
| 146 | Tony Fernandez | Vinny Castilla (3B SD) | ||
| 147 | David Gonos | Kameron Loe (SP TEX) | ||
| 148 | J. Darin Darst | Chin-Hui Tsao (RP COL) | ||
| 149 | Brian Flood | Chan Ho Park (SP SD) | ||
| 150 | Dwyne Philippin | Vicente Padilla (SP TEX) | ||
Of course, we know this is a quirky type of league, but we want to know what quirky things you have in your leagues for a story we plan to write in early March.
E-mail your quirky league types to DMFantasyBaseball@cbs.com. Be sure to put Attn: Quirky leagues in the subject field. Please include your full name, hometown and state. Be aware, due to the large volume of submissions received, we cannot guarantee personal responses or answers to all questions.












