Some jerk stole Red Panda's unicycle and the famed halftime performer is crushed
There's a $2,000 reward out for the safe return of Red Panda's custom-built unicycle

Red Panda has officially become Sad Panda after some reprehensible monster stole her unicycle from an airport last week.
The famed halftime performer -- known for her ability to ride a unicycle while magically flipping and stacking bowls on her head -- had her custom 7-foot tall ride swiped from right under her nose at San Francisco International Airport last Wednesday. Although she's been working with authorities to identify the thief, the investigation has yet to turn up a culprit and Red Panda is devastated.
"She's heartbroken," said her agent, Pat Figley. "It's like her baby was kidnapped. She's had that unicycle for 30 years."
Marshawn Lynch and Red Panda= the best thing you'll watch all day. pic.twitter.com/rBiLG7VqAT
— Travis Hale (@LubbockElitist) October 29, 2017
Figley is offering a $2,000 reward for the unicycle with no questions asked. He just wants his client to return to her normal, legendary self. In the meantime, Red Panda is trying to power through the loss and be a professional, but she's struggling to overcome the loss of her trusted unicycle.
"She's doing horribly," added Figley. "She's dropping balls. She's just not used to it. The one that was stolen was custom built for her."
The thought of a national treasure like Red Panda being distraught over the selfish cruelty of a unicyle-snatching monster, well, that's almost too much to handle. It's time for the people of this country to step up and seek justice for a true hero. We must stop at nothing until we reclaim what rightfully belongs to Red Panda. She has given so much to us, now it's time for us to give back.
You've officially been put on notice, mystery thief. You'll rue the day you hurt Red Panda.
















