10 reasons why LeBron James should absolutely not do 'Space Jam 2'

First, LeBron James appeared in the hit comedy Trainwreck (which drastically outperformed box office expectations and earned James rave reviews for his performance). Then James signed a multi-picture deal with Warner Bros... which just happens to own the rights to Looney Tunes and by extension Space Jam. For years, there's been speculation that James might star in Space Jam 2.

On Tuesday in a brief Twitter Q&A, James touched on that particular question.

@KingJRob21 Maybe.......Guess we'll just have to wait and see. #LooneyToonsRock
— LeBron James (@KingJames) July 28, 2015

I'm not going to mince words here.

Under no circumstances, whatsoever, should James appear in the sequel. Yes, it will make a lot of money. Yes, it puts him culturally on a different level. Yes, it brings back the relevance of a film that a lot of people love and have fond memories of.

James should avoid it like the plague. Here's why.

1. Space Jam has not aged well ... and wasn't all that good anyways

Look, if you let yourself like anything, it can be enjoyable. Every night on Twitter there are hundreds of people live-tweeting awful movies like their lives depend on it. Sharknado 4 is a thing that is happening. Not every movie needs to be Citizen Kane. But let's face it, the plot construction and general design of Space Jam was undoubtedly one of the most ambitious cash grabs we've seen in modern movie times. Here, take a look at Grantland's plot summary for this bad boy:

For those in need of a quick refresher: There is a struggling amusement park called Moron Mountain on another planet. The park’s boss thinks he can salvage the business by going to Earth, snatching the Looney Tunes, and forcing them work as slave acts at the park.

His alien minions use laser technology to subdue the Tunes, but the Tunes convince the aliens they should have one chance to win back their freedom. Since the aliens are short, the Tunes decide to challenge them to a basketball game. But the aliens use space magic to steal the talents (and size) of several NBA players: Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, and Shawn Bradley. The tiny aliens become the giant Monstars.

The Tunes kidnap Michael Jordan for their cause, even though Jordan is whiffing as a baseball player in the minor leagues. Then there is a winner-take-all game.

Source: An All-Too-Serious Breakdown of ‘Space Jam’ «.

Hunter S. Thompson used to write columns on mescaline, and even he would think that plot construction was out there. The central premise that makes Space Jam work is your average cartoon vs. real life slapstick intersection combined with the absurdity of how casual everyone is about the unfolding chaos.

The problem, of course, is that surreality has gone to new forms and levels in the 20 years since Space Jam came out. FX had a show about a man who was a dog in a dog costume. Adult Swim has brought animation to entirely new levels. So building upon those concepts are not going to work as well. The parts of Space Jam that work are things which are hard to track down nowadays.

2. The last time James tried to be in a cartoon, the results were not tremendous

Everyone forgets The LeBrons and it's a shame, I tell you. I dedicated an obscene amount of time to James' limited-episode cartoon series based off the Nike commercial run from a decade ago. That cartoon series was released on YouTube and never took off. Obviously Space Jam would be a live-action movie with cartoon elements, but The LeBrons should really be enough to push him away from animated escapades.

3. Looney Tunes are not relevant anymore

This hurts me more than it hurts you. I loved the Looney Tunes when I was a kid. I used to make "Acme" signs off the company that Wile E. Coyote always made his gear from. "Rabbit season vs. duck season" is one of the greatest comedy bits ever.

These things are ancient at this point. Looney Tunes were still relevant back in 1996. Now they're antiquated. Kids have moved on, and cartoons with them. There's a world of animation out there, and the Tunes aren't part of it. Not only is interest in the Tunes dead, but it's been dead. A 2003 revival starring Brendan Fraser brought in only $68.5 million worldwide, with a budget of $80 million. That was 12 years ago. Work began last year on a new script for a separate Looney Tunes film, but the odds of a revival are simply very slim. It's possible that it could suddenly reconnect with kids, but it could also elicit a lot of "huh?"

4. Modern updates to things from more than a decade ago have low success rates

There's 21 Jump Street, which was tremendous. The Planet of the Apes reboot has been great. But when you start to try and dig something up that was popular at a specific time for a specific reason, and adapt it, there's trouble.

Dumb and Dumberer came out over 10 years after the original and had solid success. Mad Max: Fury Road was a tour de force, but it's not exactly built under the same construct. Jurassic World brought people out for the dinosaurs. Usually, if it takes you more than 10 years to get a sequel, there's a reason ... that there's only so far you can take it.

5. Kids are way harder to impress now

Jordan existed pre-Internet as a basketball entity, which meant that his cultural crossover was once more impressive, and easier because he didn't have the same kind of competition. It's harder to do that now. Space Jam made $230 million back in 1996. There were no iPads. There was no in-demand, Netflix, Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Hulu or YouTube.

The movie industry had a strong summer overall, but there are increasing indications that making a blockbuster is becoming more and more of a risk. Throw on top of that the fact that James isn't beloved universally the way Jordan was (despite being a genuinely nicer person by all accounts and making more efforts to be a role model to people), and there's just no guarantee kids will respond the same way.

6. James can't carry a film on his own without significant help

James had some incredible moments in Trainwreck from a comedic standpoint. This, in particular, was magnificent.

Also the scene where he winds up working the lyrics of a rap song into conversation was terrific. He's genuinely hilarious. He's also a supporting component, and gets carried by Amy Schumer and Bill Hader. Scenes where he has to do most of the heavy lifting can get a little stiff.

Part of this sets up well for him in Space Jam 2, though. The whole time you watch Trainwreck, even when he's playing himself, you're painfully aware that this is LeBron James, acting like LeBron James, in a movie. It seems like one long extended cameo. (Amar'e Stoudemire, by the way, seems much more like an actual part of the flow of the film.)

James is great, compared to 99 percent of all athletes on screen. Carrying a movie is a different deal. That's not to say there's a lot of acting chops to Jordan's 1996 performance. It is different, now, though, for reasons listed above. In 1996, it was the Tunes carrying Jordan. Nowadays, James would have to be the selling point, and carry the Tunes.

Jordan had Bill Murray and Wayne Knight to provide the comedic acting chops. Would this movie get anyone on Murray's level? You'd be hoping for Zach Galifianakis.

7. Thunderstruck

No, seriously, Thunderstruck. The fact this film also involves the "talent stolen by otherworldly forces" that Space Jam naturally involves is worrisome as well.

8. There are better opportunities

James signed a multi-picture deal, and Trainwreck has validated him. A lot of star athletes have tried to make the jump and failed, but if James is careful with his script selection and what he appears in, he can really be a part-time film star. That opens up a whole new world of possibilities that will extend beyond his playing days, not that he needs it. James was wise to get involved in a movie from Judd Apatow starring Schumer during her meteoric rise since landing her show on Comedy Central. Those are the kinds of decisions that can get you an acting career, not chasing down whatever leftovers there are.

9. Even for a movie with a shaky plot line, there's no real way to spin a sequel

You would need the Monstars for the nostalgic appeal. Are they just going to do the exact same thing they did in the first movie, after becoming good guys since being set free at the end of Space Jam? There's really nowhere to go with the end of Space Jam, which is part of the reason, you know, there hasn't been a sequel yet despite it making $240 million dollars.

10. The soundtrack just wouldn't be as cool

You had Barry White and Chris Rock on a track. You had Hit 'Em High performed by B-Real (from Cypress Hill), Coolio, Method Man and Busta Rhymes.

You had R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly for crying out loud. Even with hip hop having a lot more prevalence in pop culture, soundtracks just aren't popular anymore. All in all, Space Jam is beloved for what it was. James should leave it there, as a relic from another time. Don't chase Jordan. Be LeBron James.