Henceforth, A-Rod shall be known as The Urinator.
Henceforth, A-Rod shall be known as The Urinator. (USATSI)

We're just a week into the MLB offseason and it hasn't taken long for dumb to overtake the Internet. So let's unveil a new feature that won't necessarily run every single week, but I will fire it up when applicable. The name is an obvious homage to a certain show many of us associate with childhood.

Onward into the dumb.

1. A-Rod urinates on Yuri's floor

We really could have had an entire entry for Alex Rodriguez pretty much every week moving forward. He hasn't even been unsuspended for more than a week, but already we've had him paying off his cousin, Yuri Sucart, to keep quiet and then admitting back in January to DEA that he used steroids -- despite several public outcries to the contrary.

And now, he's taking a page out of the book of the man who wronged The Dude.

Yep, he pissed on Yuri's rug. OK, maybe not a rug. We only know floor, but work with me here on the Big Lebowski reference.

Per a report from the New York Daily News, Sucart's wife isn't too fond of Mr. A-Rod. She called him "evil," "the devil," "an a------," "arrogant," "a bad person" and said he walked into the Sucart house "like he thought he was a god."

And then, the topper, again, via nydailynews.com:

She said Rodriguez came to the Miami home Rodriguez provided to the Sucarts in 2010 and vowed to destroy the family if they went public with his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Then he urinated on the floor, she said, as if to mark the house as his territory.

Marking territory!

This is amazing. And amazingly dumb. Then again, everything relating to A-Rod -- especially from the New York papers -- is these days. In fact, I have to say, I wasn't even blown away by his urinating story. That's where we are. I'm numb to a dude reportedly marking his territory by urine in his estranged cousin's house. It's safe to say that we're in the crazy zone here where pretty much nothing would surprise.

1a. Headline of the Week

Seriously, this was the New York Daily News headline, verbatim:

Alex Rodriguez 'peed on the floor ... He is the devil ... He is evil' says cousin Yuri Sucart's wife Carmen as she fires back at tarnished Yankees slugger

Holy mother of God.

In all, Dylan Hernandez of the Los Angeles Times pretty well sums it up:

2. Ryan Theriot trolls ... or does he?

After the Dodgers hired former A's executive Farhan Zaidi as the new general manager (Andrew Friedman in the club president), former MLB infielder Ryan Theriot fired the following shots across the bow.

This is obviously not even close to being true, considering Theriot himself has two World Series rings, both thanks to GMs who never played at the professional level in John Mozeliak (Cardinals in '11) and Brian Sabean (Giants in '12). In fact, Theriot's "Moneyball" crack makes even less sense, considering Billy Beane is one of the few GMs who did play in the majors.

Not surprisingly, many blogs dove on this thing like a grenade (I mocked Theriot in one tweet, too, though I didn't deem the comments as post-worthy for Eye on Baseball). And then Theriot tweeted this:

As in "got heeeeeem," or "got him." Everyone was had by his joke, per Theriot. So he either realized how dumb it sounded and came up with the excuse that he simply dropped a little bait and got everyone to react or he actually meant to do the latter all along.

Regardless, it's all dumb.

3. Media feuds

I'm not going to bother to name names, but there have been several feuds between media members this week, culminating with an intracompany one Thursday. Fans follow sports media for coverage of sports, not media members going back and forth because their feelings are hurt.

Yes, this is dumb.

On the other hand, let's go out on a positive note ...

GIF of the Week:

I'd love to be able to credit whoever made this masterpiece, so if you know, please hit me up on Twitter (@MattSnyderCBS) and I'll rectify. Anyway, since I stumbled upon by accident on Twitter, here is Hank Conger ...

Outstanding Internetting there.

I'd like to say we'll be back next week, but that would mean more dumb. Then again, I'd be surprised if I wasn't. See you then.