default-cbs-image

In deference to his finest urges, Mets gentleman outfielder/boulevardier Yoenis Cespedes on Saturday paid $7,000 for a prize hog at a Florida county fair ... 

If the story ended there, then it would be a good story. The story, though, does not end there. Shortly after exchanging redeemable U.S. currency for a piggy, the Mets said that Cespedes had no plans to kill said piggy. But then important clarification was handed down on stone tablets: Cespedes had no plans to kill said piggy with his own hands. As it turned out, the $7,000 pig was dispatched to a butcher on Wednesday, and then he went to go live on the same farm as our departed childhood dogs ... 

But why, Yoenis? Why?

"The animal can't be taken home as a pet," said the Mets in a statement. "There is some sort of state law here in Florida that a hog bought at auction must be slaughtered. So, it's not really Yoenis' decision. It just the rule. The pig is not a pet."

Ah. Then blame the jurisdictional authorities.

Really, though, the story could end no other way. This, after all, is Yoenis Cespedes, a man who asserted by implication that the sixth baseball tool is the ability to roast a beast ... 

Note: That's not the $7,000 hog in question. That particular fallen comrade is the cooked piggy from Cespedes' famed hype video prior to his stateside arrival. As ever, when wielded by the mighty hands of Yoenis Cespedes, the food chain is a weapon of conquest.

In sated conclusion ...