Star Power Index: Bryce Harper's impressive and overlooked start; scorecard in Ramon Laureano-Astros fracas

Who's dominating the conversation in MLB this week? Let's have a belabored and possibly tortured look

Welcome to the MLB Star Power Index -- a weekly undertaking that determines with awful authority which players are dominating the current zeitgeist of the sport. While one's presence on this list is often celebratory in nature, it can also be for purposes of lamentation or ridicule. The players listed are in no particular order, just like the phone book.

There is no surer way to be ushered into the loving arms of Star Power Index than displaying a willingness to exchange soup-bones with an entire opposing squadron. So it is our privilege, and certainly not his, to welcome Ramon Laureano of the Fightin' A's to these august pages. 

Now gaze upon his derring-do as though for the first time laying rheumy eyes upon "Saturn Devouring His Son":

A look at Laureano charging the Astros dugout after being hit by a pitch.

(via @NBCSAthletics) pic.twitter.com/WSIp7f5g5U

— FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) August 9, 2020

Monsieur Laureano will remind you that he is venomous, not poisonous and that offenders will be stricken only if they first step upon his nest. Alex Cintron, Astros coach and maker of questionable decisions, did just that. Laureano has just been plunked for the second time in the game and third time in the series, and he was already in a state of understandable agitation. Once Cintron's alleged taunts arrived on the scene, Laureano was plainly ready to power-bomb each and every Astro into an open sewer. No open sewers near at hand? He would methodically and with the heed of the artisan hoist and convey each Astro in power-bomb position until he found an open sewer, possibly in the visitor's clubhouse. At that point, there's nothing left to do but Leeroy Jenkins some suckas.

As for Cintron, note that he continued his provocations from a fairly safe remove with much of the Astros' roster and staff garrisoned between him and the Old Testament reprisals of Ramon Laureano. The general watches the slaughter through opera glasses from a distant hillside; the SEC football coach criticizes the intensity of wind sprints from his shaded golf cart, the one with ice cold Coca-Cola, a bag of Golden Flake barbecue chips, and a misting fan mounted on the steering wheel. And so on. 

Now it's time for Laureano's finishing move: 

"I regret charging him because he's a loser."

Is he? Is Alex Cintron a loser, at least relative to his nemesis, Ramon Laureano? Let us compare their playing careers for a definitive answer. 

Combatant	Career record in games played as MLB player
Ramon Laureano	118-72
Alex Cintron	274-406

#Facts have just descended upon you, and Laureno's unsparing assessment has been validated. Further evidence: 

Combatant	Games suspended for what you saw above
Ramon Laureano	6
Alex Cintron	20

Laureano wins again. At this point, Cintron's best defense is something along the lines of, "I'm not a loser, but I've lost things, most especially this encounter with Ramon Laureano."

Thanks to proven biological methods, Angels overlord Mike Trout recently became a father. Children are blessings during a window that generally covers their age-four through age-12 seasons, so the Trouts are to be congratulated for a set period of time so long as those congratulations are book-ended by commiseration. 

In any event, what matters above all within the parent-child dynamic is the parent. Observe, then, what Large Poppa T has wrought since the birth of his first child: .351/.390/.919 with seven home runs in nine games. Prior to the onset of parental burdens, Trout this season had a slash line of .292/.357/.458 with one home run in six games. That's seven taters with child versus one tater without. The lesson is clear. In order to succeed, one must have children without ceasing. 

Paterfamilias? No, people, in Mr. Trout's case the word is taterfamilias. 

Is it possible for Bryce Harper -- reliable lodestone for those who enjoy yowling and whooping about sports -- to be deprived of righteously earned attention? Yes, it says here. Harper's big, fat contract; status as a former baseball wunderkind; and on-field bravado have made him an easy target for the take-smiths that are typically too much with us. Harper's performance has swung wildly throughout his career, but when he's operating at peak he's one of the best players on the planet. So far in 2020, he's been one of the best players on the planet -- this one and presumably any other. And yet here you all go, not talking about him and stuff.

Right now, Harper boasts an OPS+ of 214, which would lead the majors if not for the existence of Donovan "Steak Made of Thunderclaps" Solano. That 214 OPS+ of Harper's is higher than the 198 mark he authored during his MVP season of 2015. Yeah, it's early, and even across the full 2020 season the sample size is going to be small. That said, he's got as many unintentional walks as strikeouts, and his batted-ball metrics are impressive. Those things bode well moving forward. Even if it comes with all the qualifiers we're duty-bound to trumpet about the 2020 season, Harper is looking like he's in store for a big year. So stop not talking about that.

A reader absolutely did not recently write me and ask: "Why haven't you begun translating Juan Soto's home run distances into yards rushing?" 

This is an eminently fair query. Soto is listed at 6-1, 220 pounds, and according to multiple seconds of internet research that roughly aligns with the physical dimensions of the modern running back. As well, Soto, in addition to being a generational force at the plate, is famous for the Soto Shuffle: 

And that's at least somewhat evocative of an end zone celebration, likely one belonging to Ickey Woods. Forgetting for the moment Soto's decidedly non-running back-ish sprint speed, let's go with it. This is also a relevant matter because Soto, as is his wont, has been knocking the bejeezus-snot out of the ball since his return from the COVID injured list. Take, for booming instance, this recent shot against the Mets: 

Soto to the MOON. 😱 pic.twitter.com/mkpfeugIzr

— MLB (@MLB) August 12, 2020

That one went 466 feet. He hit another in that same series that went 463 feet. On Thursday, he bombed one 435 feet to the opposite field. In 29 at-bats this season, Soto has cracked five home runs. Along the way he's racked up 2,137 feet in home runs. AP Calculus teaches us that 2,137 feet comes to 712 yards. So Juan Soto, MLB's top running back, has 712 yards rushing and five touchdowns in 2020. 

Should you draft him first in your fantasy football draft? That's enough football questions, you Alex Cintron-grade loser.