The college football season begins on Saturday. I want to write that sentence over and over again because I'm just that excited about it. As is so often the case, it's been a long offseason and one that I'm thrilled to see come to an end.

We have college football to watch, y'all. Real, honest-to-goodness college football.

As we typically do here at CBSSports.com, we've been sharing our predictions for what's going to happen this season. Picking division and conference winners, as well as listing teams we believe are overrated and underrated (you can catch up on anything you've missed here) because that's what you do before the season starts.

You try to show how smart you are by making predictions that will only make you look foolish in the end.

Well, I'm not done making predictions yet, but I'd like to change things up a bit and make general predictions I think are locks to happen.

So in this week's Friday Five, I'm ranking five of my predictions for the 2017 season that are totally going to happen.

5. No Group of Five team will make the College Football Playoff. An easy enough prediction, no? What's different about this year, though, is that I believe there's a real chance that a G5 team makes a serious claim for a bid.

Sure, Western Michigan went 13-0 during the regular season last year, but it never had a shot at a playoff berth because it plays in the MAC. So even nonconference wins against Northwestern and Illinois weren't going to be nearly enough to warrant a spot in the top four.

The difference this year is that the team to challenge for a spot will likely come from the American. The conference is hyping itself up as a member of the Power Six, and South Florida could provide it with a chance to earn that playoff bid.

It's just, USF would have to go 13-0 to do it, and going undefeated is hard enough as it is, but when you factor in the Bulls schedule this year, it severely hinders their chance at a spot even if they do.

I'm a firm believer that if any G5 team is ever going to crack the four-team playoff, it would have to be a team that puts together multiple undefeated seasons, and picks up a win or two against one of the Power Five elites along the way. Until that happens, however, the CFP will continue to be a party for the cool kids and nobody else.

4. There will be two SEC teams ranked in the top four of the first CFP rankings. History repeats itself, and that history has repeated itself in each of the first three years that the playoff has existed.

In 2014, the very first CFP poll ever released had Mississippi State, Auburn and Ole Miss in the top four. In 2015, the first poll had both Alabama and LSU. Last year, it included Alabama and Texas A&M.

Each time the reaction was the same: SEC fans puffed out their chests and told you it was the way things should be, while everyone else griped about how the SEC was overrated as usual.

It will happen again in 2017. When the first CFP rankings come out on Halloween night, there will be two SEC teams in the top four. I'll just guess and say that they'll be Alabama and Georgia this year, though which teams they are won't matter. All that matters is that by the time the final rankings are released, there will only be one.

And it'll be Alabama, duh.

3. The first firing of a head coach will come in October. If you'll allow me to grab my cane and head to the front porch for some lemonade for a second here. Back in my day, coaches weren't fired until November, none fired after January, and we were better people for it!

*angrily shakes cane in the air*

Of course, "my day" was roughly three or four years ago when that was still the case. Things have changed in recent years, as the influx of money into so many programs has made less likely to live with current mistakes and ready to make new ones.

While I don't know who the first coach to get fired will be, I know that somebody will get canned in October. In fact, with Texas A&M and UCLA starting the season against one another, we might not even make it until the end of September this year.

2. Nearly every Power Five fanbase with a potential job opening will believe they can hire Chip Kelly. It's a side effect of our last prediction.

There will be coaches fired, and there will be fanbases hoping their coach is fired. This is not a new phenomenon. The question is who the coach du jour will be this season, and the easy answer is Chip Kelly.

While he may be holding out hope for another crack at the NFL, it seems the writing is on the wall for Kelly: it's time to return to college. That could prove to be an excellent thing for the sport, as well as one lucky fanbase.

And every Power Five fanbase with even the hint of a job opening will believe they're the one that has everything Kelly could ever want in a job. Their favorite team is a sleeping giant, after all, and Kelly is just the right person to wake it up. How could he not want to choose your school?

Some will be more correct than others, but all will feel the same way.

1. We will crown a Heisman winner in September. It happens every single year, and this year will be no different. Somebody will put up monster numbers over the first few weeks of the season, and that somebody will be proclaimed the Heisman favorite.

In fact, one of the most impressive things about Louisville's Lamar Jackson winning the award last season was that he was crowned the victor in September and held onto the award all season. That isn't what usually happens.

The standard order of procedure in the Heisman Hype Machine is that a player emerges early, and the viewing public then spends two months picking everything they do apart. Every incompletion or fumble is an opportunity to say "I told you he wasn't that good," and then another player comes along and has a really strong November to take home the trophy.

I think that's exactly what we're going to see again this year. I believe it's also safe to say that Lamar Jackson has no shot of a repeat performance.

Honorable Mention: There will be a scandal that doesn't involve NCAA rules; I will be mocked mercilessly by a fan base whose team finishes in third place in their division after I picked them fifth; The season will be over before you know it, and another long offseason will ensue.